Memo From Your Child

Dear Mum and Dad,

Please help me to love myself.

Don’t spoil me; I know that I don’t need everything I ask for. If you give me too much, nothing is special.

I’m testing you so please help me gain the self-discipline I need by teaching me through discipline that is fair and appropriate.

I need my sense of dignity, so please don’t belittle me, especially in front of others. Like you, I respond better when spoken to with respect.

Don’t ridicule me, or imply that my behavior makes me a bad person. This only erodes my sense of self worth.

When I say ‘I hate you’ I don’t mean it and don’t mean to upset you. What I hate is my feeling of powerlessness.

Please be patient with me and I may surprise you in the long term.

When you have a bad day, please don’t take it out on me. Please don’t shout or nag, when you do my ears close down. I hear much better when you speak, not yell.

Help me to feel good about myself by focusing on my positive traits, rather than the negative.

Help me develop a sense of trust. Don’t try to bribe me or make promises you can’t keep, I feel that I can’t trust you or the world when my hopes are raised and then dashed.

Please be consistent, I become confused when you say something one day and then the rules change. I need boundaries and rules that are clear and work across the board.

The safer I feel the more of my sensitive inner self and emotions I will trust you with.

Please don’t ridicule my fears, no matter how silly they may seem to you. To me they are very real and to conquer them I need your understanding and reassurance.

Remember I learn from your actions as much as your words. When you apologize to me it helps me to admit my mistakes and try to correct them.

I need to be loved and recognized for who I am and not my actions or achievements. This helps to strengthen my sense of self.

Show me that you think I am worthwhile and capable, thereby teaching me to love and accept myself.

Remember, to thrive, I need only your love and understanding.

Finally remember that I love you and I don’t expect you to be perfect either.